Frequently asked questions about the This I Believe project, educational opportunities and more I believe children should always respect their parents. Showing parental respect in our everyday lives provides us with the ability to treat every person we meet with kindness and adoration.
On occasion some of my friends have exploded with such rude behavior without paying any mind to the guests that stand before them. Some are asked to do the simplest of chores and they bawl and whine like toddlers! The very least they could do was lend a helping hand. When I see my friends acting like this I know I must try my hardest to never act in such a horrible manner. I have taken to the heart the lessons my parents have taught me, and I know I will follow them for the rest of my life. I have taught myself to be kind to others and to be aware of the stresses of adulthood, and I should always give an attempt to be benevolent.
All of us children, no matter what age, should try to be considerate towards our parents and adults in our lives. We should try to lend a hand around the house and take on some of our parents burden. Soon enough we will be adults and parents faced with the same anxieties. Be mindful to your parents and administer the love they deserve for trying their hardest. Be a respectful person and take on the responsibilities your parents have been trying to teach you.
The first step to kindness should be the love you will to your parents. To you, I pose a challenge. I challenge you to share in my belief and show love and most of all respect towards your parents. If you enjoyed this essay, please consider making a tax-deductible contribution to This I Believe, Inc. The work of This I Believe is made possible by individuals like you. You're their parents! Parents aren't supposed to be cool, phat, or hip and if you use any of those words, you're definitely not. When you try to act like your children's friends, you come across, as one girl once told me, "Oh so 20th century!
Acting cool makes them look so dorky and desperate. So remember, being friends was definitely not your children's idea.
10 reasons why it's important to respect your parents
Your children also need you to be their parents. Though children in the 21st century often look, dress, act, and talk like adults long before they actually are, the reality is that until they reach their teens, they are still children in many ways-inexperienced, unskilled, immature-and living in a world that has never been more threatening. Your children need someone in their lives-YOU! When children are the most powerful people in their families, they live in a constant state of fear because they're not ready to take on the world alone.
Respect Your Parents
When you're the parent, you can provide them with a safe haven-with direction, support, and boundaries-from which to explore the world. You show your children that you're there to protect them when needed. When parents want to be friends with their children, they aren't doing it because it's best for their children.
These parents are often unfulfilled in their own lives, lonely, and aren't getting their needs met from adults. They share inappropriate information with their children e. Because of their love for their parents, most children will accept this role because they feel guilty if they didn't give their parents that support. Lacking the experience and maturity to handle this responsibility, however, children slowly crumble under its weight.
In time, their love, empathy , and compassion for their parents can turn to anger and resentment at having to assume a role that they neither asked for nor are capable of handling.
Obedience is Key to Faithfulness
Here's a simple rule: Parents should have adult friendships and children should have peer friendships. If your needs for intimacy and support are appropriately satisfied by other adults, you won't need to turn to your children to have those needs met. Similarly, your children should have age-appropriate relationships with peers, with whom they can share and gain support from.
Freedom from the responsibility of being friends enables you to fulfill your real parental responsibilities and allows your children to be children. Gaining your children's respect doesn't mean that you have to be a harsh, restrictive ogre.
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You can be loving, fun, and supportive. But it also means being tough, though being tough doesn't mean being unkind, angry, or controlling. Being tough means knowing what is best for your children and doing what is in their best interests-whether they like it or not. Being their parent also doesn't mean that they won't care for you any less.
In fact, they will love and respect you more because you are doing what is best for them. Not being your children's friend when they're young doesn't preclude you from ever being their friend. Once your children become adults, then you can be friends with them. At that point, you'll want to be friends with your children because you'll want to live with them when you get old! The depictions of parent-child relationships in popular culture aim to undermine respect.
Or how Ed Bundy was treated by his children on Married with Children.
Many of the situation comedies on network television portray fathers in particular as buffoons who are unworthy of respect and easily manipulated by their children. Teaching your children respect involves maintaining power over them. It means being firm and adhering to your values in the face of popular culture's persistent attempts to sway you. It also means being consistent. You must send clear messages about respect, your expectations, and the limits you set for your children.
If you give in to nagging or adjust your message when it's convenient, you're detracting from your ability to earn their respect and exert influence over them. Maintaining power communicates to your children that you're in charge and asking for respect, that you expect them to live by your family's values, and that you're ready to enforce the expectations and limits you set for them. Maintaining power doesn't mean being utterly dictatorial, particularly as your children move into adolescence.
It means striking a balance between being completely permissive and overly strict. Parents who strike this balance allow their children to contribute to family decisions about limits, but ultimately decide for themselves what limits are reasonable. They establish unambiguous expectations and make clear to their children the consequences of transgressions. Finally, these parents follow through firmly and consistently when their children violate the limits. Maintaining power also involves being flexible, which communicates your respect for your children.
You can foster this flexibility by talking to your children about your expectations and why you set limits on them. Engaging them in a discussion of your resolve also gives them the opportunity to convince you to be more flexible. Flexibility doesn't mean giving in to your children. It means being open to changing the expectations and limits you place on them. If your children can persuade you through their words or actions that they deserve more latitude, you should show flexibility and give them more rein. Of course, you have to make sure that they act responsibly with the new-found respect.
If they do, you may consider giving them more independence as a reward for your earned respect for them. If they violate your respect you've given them, they must pay for it in a way that will help them clearly see the connection between the respect you showed them and how they broke your trust. Your children need to understand that with earned respect comes responsibility and that without being responsible, the respect-and the independence-will be lost.
Invariably, your children will abuse your trust periodically; that's just part of being young. What's important is that they learn from these experiences so they don't continue to abuse the freedom you give them and misuse the respect they have earned. Hello Dr. Taylor, What a pleasure it was to read your post about parenting and respect!
I too, in my work, have been frustrated with parents who think that the "buck" stops with the I. Too often parents are labored by the amount of effort raising their child takes, yet they wouldn't have it any other way because these "troubled" kids actually give them purpose.
Thank you for "calling" out all stakeholders with regards to parenting and respect for all.
I will be following you on Twitter and hope to continue the conversations. At The Normal Male I am working to communicate about what Normal means in reference to males and debunk the stereotypes that are plastered throughout our media. Too many of us Normal males sit by when we see other men detract from our genders progress. I hope that boys learn that being a man starts with communication, honesty, and a touch of humility. We don't have to live in fear that shame will attack us at any moment.
Warm Regards, Dr. Rod drrod thenormalmale. Fathers should work on teaching respect to their children in their earliest years. As soon as they are able to communicate and model behavior, we People who have this moronic and backwards notion that your kids are not your equals and or friends should be forcibly sterilized, have their children seized by dcs so no further abuse can go on then should be locked away as so that they cant harm any other children or fill anyone elses head with such nonsense its sad that these kind of sickos didnt die out with the Nazis.
The article is right in that young children should be protected from the realities of this world as much as possible so that they can enjoy being children. You are not going to discuss with a 4 year old the problems you are having paying the rent and that you may all become homeless.
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That's your problem and you must deal with it and look after your family as best you can. However jaqui is right in that children often don't listen to what a parent SAYS. They are not interested in what you say, but who you ARE. If you live your life according to the values and principles you want them to adhere to, they will see that and then you earn their respect. How is a child supposed to learn their values from a parent that doesn't live by them? I'm glad someone mentioned Homer Simpson, in one episode he allowed himself to be persuaded by his daughter Lisa to do the right thing and stop stealing cable services.
Our children can test our resolve to do what's best for them, but they can also challenge us to be the best people we can be. As long as everything we do for each other is tempered with genuine, unconditional love, we can't go too far wrong and always end up doing it mostly right. Two years ago friends from abroad came to visit, and brought their kids with them.
I couldn't believe it. They were respectful to their parents, they were calm, and the parents and kids knew his or her role well. Totally different from mothers and kids I see here in the U. American mothers behave as if they wanted their children to stomp on their faces for reasons I do not understand. I get the feeling that they're feeling horribly guilty for things they did not do wrong. They behave like serfs around their children, and as a result, their children never learn respect, nor self-respect, nor respect toward their mother and the rest of the world.
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I understand the earning respect model. I think part od the problem is defining respect. Parents who want to seek respect from their kids should do so by following through but also doing so lovingly. This isnt the same way a kid needs to learn respect Adults who disrespect while being loving are passive aggressive.
Now if an adult is like that the child will learn those behaviors and passive aggressivness is disrespectful to kids and really anyone but anger and disrespect is okay sometimes because it is a safe way to. Now my 4 year old learns respect through seeing it but my 10 year old knows by now and she would also manipulate the crap out of anyone who tries the parents should earn a kids respect method. We have to use some common sense here and consider a childs cognitive abilities.
There are different methods for different ages and NO children cannot learn everything by observing it. They need to be taught and provided reinforcement starting with positive and moving to negative if positive is unsuccesful. I don't feel dumping the blame on parents is going to solve the issue. There are lots of children who were taught to respect parents and they end up despising their parents. If psychology and a lot of other outlets would stop blaming parents for their adult children's behavior because this or that happened and that they are who they are today is because the way they were raised then maybe adult children wouldn't be so quick to judge their parents.
While this is not the case for all parents or all children, there are many, many cases where the parent is not to blame. As an adult, you can't blame your parents for everything that goes wrong in your life. You are solely responsible for who you are and for who you become. You are no longer a child.